Dr. Mia Gregor
Sept. 5, 2024
What to Expect the School Years: A Primer on Cognitive and Social/Emotional Development During the Elementary, Middle School and Adolescent Years
1. Common Concerns at Different Ages –
a. a study was done on over 1000 parents to identify these common concerns by age group (see slide 3)
b. what is typical and normal for an age range
2. A Little Bit About the Brain – kids have neuroplasticity so their brains can grow and change in a way that is different from adults
a. Frontal Lobe –
i. last part of brain to develop (mid 20s), controls expressive language and executive functions
ii. develops through myelination (neural connections) of brain cells firing together
b. Parietal Lobe – somatosensory, reports how things feel to you
c. Occipital Lobe -
d. Temporal Lobe – receptive language, memory
e. Cerebellum – moment to moment coordination
f. Prefrontal Cortex – grey matter in prefrontal cortex, as you age it gets “pruned”, similar to trimming of hedges, and when a brain is efficiently pruned you see perception and reasoning improve; important part of brain development during adolescence
g. Limbic System – risk taking, emotions, rewards, pleasure seeking, impulsivity, learning and memory; tends to be impacted by puberty (hormones!) which leads to high emotions, and mood swings associated with little cortical control
3. Early Grade School K-2
a. Cognitive milestones – learning though language, mental images and symbols; curiosity stage “how”, “why”
b. Social emotional development – lack of understanding of reversibility for situations; “magical thinking”, i.e. if I think it then it will happen; egocentric
c. What parents can do:
i. consistency and follow through in rules at home
ii. allow them to hear you think through problem solving situations
iii. play games with them and let them lose sometimes, i.e., natural consequences
4. Middle School Grades 3-5
a. Cognitive milestones – increased awareness and perspective on situations; can focus on multiple aspects when problem solving; make better inferences
b. Social emotional development – still egocentric; strong sense of fairness
c. What parents can do:
i. “scaffolding” ask guided questions to kids that will help them reach answer or conclusion to a situation on their own; this teaches a growth mindset
5. Junior High Grades 6-8
a. Cognitive milestones – increased problem solving using more complex thinking
b. Social emotional development
i. “imaginary audience” is feeling that you are on a stage, i.e. everyone is watching you (more common in girls)
ii. “personal fable” adolescents think their situation is truly unique and no one could possible understand; have to manage fear and rejection
iii. friendships are prioritized over parent relationships
c. What parents can do:
i. going through these processes is necessary for identity formation, i.e. formation of self and self-understanding. These concepts directly tie to self-esteem; support your child as they work through disappointment and rejection. They need to be able to feel as though they are doing this independently
ii. Due to influx of hormones into brains teens of react first and think later, it gets better over time, but you are there to guide and support them – that also means dealing with consequences of their decisions when necessary (i.e., easier to address and learn from a failing grade in 7th grade vs a failing grade in HS)
iii. Listen and keep a neutral face no matter what they are telling you, “Botox face” they are more likely to open up if they do not feel they are being judged
6. Important Considerations
a. Technology and its effects
i. Sustained attention vs. divided attention/multitasking – our kids have become better at the latter due to the use of technology
ii. Have a plan for your home and stick to it
iii. Talk to your kids about see something online then say something to a parent or trusted adult; in most cases of teen suicide warnings are given on social media prior to occurrence
b. Building resilience and a growth mindset
i. Lawnmower parent is someone who cuts down all obstacles in front of their child, so they never have any struggle or hardship, studies have shown that overcoming hard things is necessary for success and resiliency in later life – don’t be a lawnmower parent!
c. Celebrating infant/toddler milestones vs. discouraging pre-teen milestones
i. First steps, first words, these are joyful development of teenage attitude may not be but recognize that this is developmentally appropriate behavior
ii. Questioning and challenging parents and adults are milestones that are normal and essential for teens
7. When to be Concerned
a. Three areas: home, school, personality changes – when you feel like there are concerns that are impinging all areas then it is likely time to get some help
b. If you feel like you have talked to teachers/educators and implemented strategies at home and still things are not improving, then it is time for professional intervention
8. Final Thoughts
a. Teenage years are often thought of as a time of constant storm and stress but studies have found that is not the case. These periods of stress are “blips” and can often be perceived by your teen as overwhelming, we need to empower our teens to give themselves the credit they deserve for getting though these hard things.
9. Additional Resources and Recommendations
a. The Shut Down Learner: Helping Your Academically Discouraged Child, by Richard Selnick
b. Smart But Scattered by Peg Dawson and Richard Guare (great for teaching EF strategies)
c. For parents of girls: Queen Bees and Wannabees by Rosalind Wiseman
d. For parents of boys: Masterminds and Wingmen by Rosalind Wiseman
e. 14 Talks by Age 14 by Michelle Icard
f. iGen: Why Today’s Super Connected Kids are Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy and Completely Unprepared for Adulthood, by Jean M. Twenge
g. Middle School Matters by Phyllis Fagell
h. The Whole Brain Child by Siegel and Payne Bryson
10. Contact: Dr. Mia Gregor
a. Email: miagregor@gmail.com
b. Chicago Neurodevelopmental Center (www.chicagoneurodevelopmentalcenter.org); 847-272-2484
